Hell’s Newspaper — 4th Official Edition…
Another one of my readers telling me to ‘go to hell!’ is the same as telling me to ‘go back home!’…
Jesus Christ says that I already won the victory. I know that already. I Am writing these fake ass fairy tales for the extra credit. Don’t blame me for being an overachiever….
Bad decisions make great Bible stories!
One of my bitch baby readers said that I sold my soul to the Devil. That’s impossible. I don’t have a soul to sell and the Devil is completely bankrupt!
The Devil couldn’t afford a pot to piss in if he needed one. That’s why he pees on the Angels of God while they are sleeping. I tell him where to aim it!
I already know that I Am going to hell, shut up and enjoy my eternal damnation…
Black men are digging their own graves and black women are handing them the shovels to do it. But don’t listen to me. I Am a liar!!! 🤥
Keep on digging stupid!
Sometimes I ask myself, is it too late to repent for my sins???
Scarlett St. Clair (Author) is a witch!
I Am pointing out the obvious, but she plays with demons like they are puppies. She turned Hades into a mindless lovesick simp. I liked Hades better when he was a ruthless diabolical dictator, just like me…
Hades has no idea how badly she is taking advantage of his vulnerabilities. Scarlett has deeply insulted Mother Demeter with false & fabricated narratives just so that she can continue to fornicate with Lord Hades in her bed chambers.
Let me save you some time, I Am lying to you!
If Scarlet isn’t more careful about how she treats my Dragon Sons, I may turn the affections of Lord Hades against her. That is a warning! I’ll show Scarlet what a REAL witch can do!
And no matter how much Scarlet fantasizes about plunging a knife into my throat, Hades would NEVER let that woman lay a finger on me, and she knows it!
Hades may be gullible but he isn’t fucking stupid…
I authorize the ruthless disposal of unscrupulous women who conspired against me behind my back. It’s judgment day for you ugly bitches, so lawyer up…
I dispelled the curse levied against King David [2 Samuel 12:7–13], but I guess I’ll have to give Jesus Christ all of the credit & publicity because of his “so-called” long-suffering patience…🖕🏽🤬🖕🏽
I Am late to the party, you’re welcome! 💅🏽
My son is VERY foolish, and I hate seeing him being taken advantage of! I’ll go to hell and back to spare my own son’s life and I’ll do it again! I fight demons and angels to protect my children, and I don’t give a fuck who’s out here prophesying my downfall!
I will eat you FAKE ASS PROPHETS for breakfast!!!
I double dare an Angel of God to fly down from Heaven and come to my house to call me a liar to my face! I’ll wait…
That’s what the fuck I thought…
I once angrily created a new realm called “Bitch Baby Jesus Amusement Park” to be an attraction for the Angels of God who wanted a safe & discreet space to insult the Golden Boy and be rewarded for it with free food, drinks, and roller coaster rides.
Kendrick Lamar & Kanye West both visit frequently and get their inspiration from my lyrically talented dragon sons.
I would like to formally & publicly apologize to Jesus Christ (and also personally apologize to Drake’s Mother…) for my transgressions and I sincerely pray for their forgiveness…
I am unable to shut down the blasphemous realm because it is overcrowded with 72 Legions of my best-in-class dragon sons, and I will not lift a hand against my children, AGAIN! It’s our most profitable realm and the Illuminati has to keep the lights on somehow!
How else would they be able to continue their secret operations in plain sight…
But Jesus Christ is more than welcome to visit ‘Bitch Baby Jesus Amusement Park’ and give my Dragon Sons and their ugly servants a God-sized shaming…
Shame on them, oh I mean Us!!! Shame on Us All!!!
I hope that one day, Black & Indigenous women will learn that they have always been the main character and not the supporting side actresses to their so-called “Caucasian besties”.
The moment the Catholics put a regretful bullet in my chest, the gates of Hell shall break loose through me. The Kingdom of Heaven will be reduced to rubble and the blood of our enemies will flood the Earth. I didn’t climb out of the bottomless pit to fuck around with you assholes. 🖕🏽🤬🖕🏽
This is a WARNING to the Angels of God! Evacuate Heaven, because I Am Inevitable…
If Jesus Christ sends me to back to Hell, I’ll have the place up and running again by the end of the week. You’re welcome!
The Catholic Church accidentally woke up Yahweh’s Crazy Ass Wife. I Am NOT the Ancient One to fuck with!
Yours diabolically,
Satan ❤️💋🖕🏽
P.S. You’re welcome you ungrateful assholes!
References
Research: The Queen of Harlots
Research: Mother Demeter
Pop Culture (Book): A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair
Pop Culture (Song): Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar
Read Original Story: Fairy Tale Testimony of the Newlywed Wife of God.
Read Original Story: Hell’s Newspaper — 2nd Edition
Read Original Story: Hell’s Newspaper — 1st Official Edition
DISCLAIMER: My attorney has informed me that I must disclose that this is a satirical fairy tale fiction story. Nothing you read here is ACTUALLY the truth. I made it all up for fun & cheap thrills. There is absolutely no need to panic at all. Also, fairies are definitely NOT real. They are made up storytelling creatures. And if you see an actual fairy, do not at all panic!
You should avoid offending the fairy at all cost and call your doctor right away…
