Hell’s Newspaper — 2nd Edition
Where the headlines are hotter than your eternal damnation…
I don’t think I Am pushing the envelope enough on my fake ass storytelling.
I think I should kick it up a notch…
King Hephaestus resides in Hell because he refuses to stop fornicating with Lord YHWH’s wife. He says it’s personal… [2 Samuel 12:7–13]
Jesus Christ is a 2,000-year-old virgin. Go get him ladies! Just be gentle with his naughty bits because Jesus Christ is a very vulnerable man. Jesus Christ has a fetish for black women with fat asses and bad attitudes. He doesn’t even care if they are happily married!
But before you go off to unlawfully take advantage of the savior’s vulnerabilities, you must first provide him with a warm meal, a tall glass of wine, fresh garments, and a comfortable bedroom for at least [3] consecutive days and nights. (You’re welcome, Jesus! Safe travels…😏)
And know that I will be peeping from the shadows because I LOVE to watch from behind the veils. They don’t call me the ‘Queen of Harlots’ for nothing! I know how to play my part in this blasphemous fairy tale narrative.
God never lies, but I do! All the time…
Disney is a pagan organization and Netflix is ran by a group of powerful necromancers. (I Am lying to you of course…)
Another one of my readers telling me to ‘go to hell!’ is the same as them telling me to ‘go home!’…
Parker Finn is definitely NOT an agent of the Illuminati or any other ancient secret mystic society. And we are definitely NOT co-parenting the same demigod foster child straight from the rock bottomless pits of hell. Parker Finn definately does NOT owe me a massive amount of demigod child support. I have never been in the same room as Parker Finn, and he definitely does NOT know who I Am…
I never actually met Asmodeus. However, I prophesied that Asmodeus would find a way to break God’s Matrix before Jesus Christ returned. I still have a lot of confidence in this prophecy. Do not underestimate Asmodeus. He is One of my best-in-class Dragon Sons…
It is difficult for Katt Williams to get on stage for a Netflix special and try to be ‘funny’ when he’s clearly trying to warn everyone about the deceptively hidden hands of the Illuminati. His audience just wanted to laugh when he was trying to warn us about the Illuminati running a nationwide campaign to try and persuade black women to unalive themselves (I Am lying to you of course…)
The Illuminati are targeting black women with music & entertainment. I guess it’s hard for Katt Williams to speak the forbidden truth when your entire livelihood is at the mercy of ruthless violent overseers. He did say that he’s already scared…
What Katt Williams should know is that it’s not about convincing people that you are telling them the truth. It’s about telling them a really good story that they WANT to believe…
Good lies are better than bitter truths…
I am going to attempt to tell a parable to my readers, even though I Am really bad at speaking in parables. Jesus Christ says that I Am not ‘subtle’ enough…
My Very First Parable: One day, God prepared a storage house full of many special things that he intended to pass down to his faithful children. Gold, jewels, fine garments, furniture, swords, shields, chariots, sacred books, and impressive relics. Over many years, unscrupulous bandits & thieves came and began to plunder God’s secret treasures until there was nearly nothing left for the children of God.
After a very long time, the youngest daughter of God was sent to collect her inheritance, only to discover that the storage house was nearly empty. All that could be recovered was a humble scribe’s pen found in a forgotten corner.
When the daughter of God returned to His Kingdom and presented the pen to her heavenly father, she lamented at what was left of her divine inheritance. Then God comforted his grieving daughter and said to her, “Behold, you have inherited the mightiest treasure of all of my possessions!”
And I’ve been writing fake ass fairy tales ever since…
Recommended Movie & TV Shows
Split (Movie) — The behavior profile & narrative of the original beast…
Shameless (TV Series) — ‘They’ hide their confessions in plain sight…
Smile (Movie) — Created by Parker Finn, who is definitely NOT an agent of the Illuminati. The whole idea of a demon possessing people through trauma, you cant get rid of it and no one believes you…
The Family Business (Netflix) — They are conditioning black women to be over-sexualized heartless criminals and conditioning our black men to be mindless suggestible puppies.
Don’t Worry Darling (Movie) — Everyone is acting like I’m crazy, and I’m not crazy…
Katt Williams Woke Foke — Official Netflix Trailer | He tried to warn us…
References
Research: King Asmodeus
Research: King Hephaestus
Research: The Queen of Harlots
Read Original Story: Raising Hellfire Murder Baby | Observational Journals
Read Original Story: Hell’s Newspaper — 1st Official Edition
Disclaimer: This entire fictional fairy tale is written by a very old, angry, and cranky Fairy Queen Bitch, straight out of the penmanship of James Matthew Barrie himself. And if you bitch baby readers had any idea how close I was to accidentally setting the entire earth on fire, you would worship me for all the mistakes I didn’t make when traversing the realms of hell for all of you assholes. You’re welcome!
And by the time anyone discovers this fake ass storytelling blog, it will already be too late…
