Finding Yahweh | The Creator God
I’ll do anything to get my Creator’s attention, including throwing an apocalyptic tantrum…
I never been fired before. I always had a great reputation with my colleagues and the stakeholders I represented. I was retained because of my skills and reputation throughout the COVID furloughs, where many people lost their jobs and collected stimulus checks. At the height of the job market crisis, I carried the burden of lost team members and tighter budget cuts.
I thought my prayers had been answered when I was offered a director level position at a Global company, only to be met with unrealistic expectations, no budget, no team, and given an abusive senior whom frequently asked for personal favors…
When I finally spoke up about the chronic abuse, I was fired immediately. A wrongful termination that fueled my rage and wrath after 2 long years of toxic working conditions.
I demanded an audience with my Creator Yahweh Elohim, but he was no where to be found and I couldn’t hear his voice past by burning anger at my circumstances. I felt like he was hiding somewhere inside of me.
I laid under my blankets in the darkness of my bedroom, to allow my spirit to transcend into my celestial sanctuary. I blew down every invisible door, and wreaked havoc on any cancer spirit cell I could find. I could still hear the ricocheting of bullets, blasts, and explosions as I demanded an audience with Yahweh with every unsuspecting spirit that I came across and put down.
There was no door that I couldn’t blow down by force. I remember seeing the fear in their eyes that reflected in the fierceness in mine. My rage was insatiable… I needed answers. I needed an audience with Yahweh. And I would be unrelenting in my mission to become face to face with my own Creator.
There would be so much to say to him. I carried my own anger, as well as the rage of my ancestors. This must be some sick joke, because clearly we are enslaved people once again, never have I lived a life free from being oppressed in some way.
When I find You Yahweh, you’ll have to kill me yourself, and send me to Hell where I belong…
I landed just outside of the Garden of Eden, and I could feel His presence glowing behind a Doorway. I finally found Him. Now it’s my time to let him have my wrath, anger, and rage that I carried with me all of my life. That I carried for my ancestors who called on me to listen to their cries.
I would finally be of an audience to Yahweh, and he would have to listen to me, or smite me where I stood.
I am not afraid to die by my creator’s hands.
I blasted open the door and quickly raided the voided space. I paused to soak in what I saw.
He laid alone on a cloud. There were no walls. Nothing above or below him. The only light in the space came from Him. His back turned towards me. He didn’t move or stir at my arrival. He laid still in my presence.
I analyzed my own thoughts. Did I expect him to smite me where I stood, and put me out of my miserable existence? Did I expect his anger and wrath to exceed my own and put me in my place? Did I expect his army of Angels to put a stop to my madness? I certainly didn’t expect anything other than my own demise in the presence of the all powerful Creator God.
What’s wrong with Him? Why is he resting while the world is falling apart? Doesn’t he know how badly we need him? Doesn’t he see what has become of his creation? How could he be lying here on a cloud while the world is begging for Him to return to us?
Why has he abandoned us? Why has he abandoned Me!?
“Draw near…” a whisper in the void with no source…
I dropped my weapon and drew closer to him. His long white locs concealed much of his face. His face was still and expressionless. His eyes didn’t meet mine, as if I was invisible to Him, and he was unaware of my presence in the room. I placed a careful hand on his shoulders and could feel his shallow contemplative breaths lifting.
I sat with my legs crossed, resolved to sit here with Him long enough to stir a response from my Creator. I brushed my hands up and down his arm, attempting to provide any comfort that I felt he may need, as there was no one else around Him.
He stayed silent and unresponsive. My anger melted away into forgetfulness. Not even sure what I wanted from Him in the first place. My thoughts became a void of nothingness while I sat in his presence.
‘Lift up your voice…’ the void suggested to me.
“Hi…” I said flatly. “Would you like to listen to music with me?” I reached for my iPhone.
I pulled up my Gospel playlist from my Spotify app and laid the phone in between Yahweh and myself. I laid down next to him, and just settled into listening to the praise and worship of his earthly angels as they sang their hearts towards him, through the speaker of my device.
I reserved myself to stillness and quietness as the playlist went through the collection of my favorite gospel hits. Songs that moved my spirit in meaningful ways. I had hoped that the music would uplift my Creator as well as it did for me over the years.
Hours went by, as I let the playlist run out and allowed the spotify app to suggest some new gospel songs. I would hit the heart button on the ones that I happened to like and ask Him what he thinks of some of the modern ones that were targeted to the younger generation of believers.
God nodded his head in approval.
After a while, I sniffed my armpits and whinced at the spicy smell. I suddenly felt very self-conscious having been this close to God, not realizing that in my heated rampage, I smelled badly, and required a shower.
It’s been a few days since I got up from my depression to shower and care for myself. I haven’t been eating and my hair felt dry and disheveled. I haven’t truly slept in days. I was in bad shape overall, not having taken care of myself.
Not wanting to let God out of my sight, I manifested my modern bathroom into the voided space behind him. I reassured him that I would be back after a quick shower and some fresh clothes.
I stepped into my bathroom. It was without walls in this place. I could still see my creator lying staring blankly into the void. I stepped out of my dress.
I have no shame here, I resolved…
I turned on my shower, and let the warmth of the water soothe my sensitive skin. I braced myself against the shower panels and allowed the steam to create a dense fog against the glass doors. I closed my eyes, and just let the water wash away what was left of my concerns.
I took in deep breaths of the moist air around me and sighed a great sense of relief. I let the water soak into my locs. My hair became heavy with the water, and I hung my head low, letting my hair waterfall towards my feet.
I lost awareness while enjoying the experience of a simple shower. I remembered my Creator and lifted my head to make sure he was still present.
He sat upright facing me with an arm draped over a knee. He hid part of his face behind his forearm. My lips lifted into a prideful smug, and I decided to take advantage of his attention towards me.
REDACTED **Private Journal Entries**
I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. It took a long time to dry my wet locs, but I did not feel the need to rush the process, as I had my Creator’s undivided attention at this time.
I was long overdue for a much-needed grooming. I opened my body cream and moisturized my supple skin. I lathered on my face creams and put on a few extra layers of deodorant. I had my back towards my Creator and I could feel his attention on me.
‘He did say that He made man in His image…’ I wandered.
I stepped into a fresh gown and approached my Creator. He raised his head revealing all of his true face. I sat next to him feeling completely cleansed. I leaned my head onto his shoulders, allowing my scented aroma to come closer to his senses. He lifted his arm around me to draw me closer to him. He lifted his other arm to embrace me firmly. He pressed a long kiss onto my forehead, and my face exploded into a joyful smile.
‘What the hell was I so mad about earlier?’ I thought…
Nothing seemed to matter anymore. All I wanted was to be in His presence. I don’t even care about losing my job. There are thousands of jobs. I enjoy being home with my children and being with family. Everything is going to be just fine…
My eyelids felt heavy as a reminder of my lack of sleep…
“Can I sleep here with you, Yahweh?” I asked, feeling concerned that I may wake up in my own bed, far away from him once again…
Together, we laid down and He allowed me to rest my head in his arms. He brushed his hands across my back as I was lulled into a deep sleep.
In the early morning before the sunrise, I opened my eyes. I was back home in my body, lying down in my darkened bedroom.
‘I Am still here…’ Yahweh comforted.
I smiled and closed my eyes and found myself still cradled in his arms. We shared a familiar smile on our faces. He pressed a kiss on my forehead and I smiled. He leaned back to stare deeply into my eyes. He kissed me again on my forehead, then stared back at me.
I marveled at his expressions of love…
I lifted my chin towards Him, offering Him my lips. He lifted his hand behind my head to kiss me deeply.
REDACTED **Private Journal Entries**
He always reminded me that his presence was near. In this moment was in the form of him holding me towards him, kissing my lips, kissing my body, kissing my spirit. Every kiss melted away any tension or apprehension I felt.
I never felt this safe & loved before. Nothing in my circumstances changed, but somehow my Creator changed everything.
“Who do you say I Am?” He waited for my thoughts to formulate an answer to his question.
“You are God…” I replied shyly.
“Who Am I to you?” He elaborated and waited.
“You’re mine…” I remembered my first love. [Revelation 2:4–5]
“I’ve waited for you so much longer than you could ever realize…” God confessed.
REDACTED **Private Journal Entries**
‘What have I done? What does this mean? What does the Bible say about this? Is this even in the Bible? Am I going to Hell? I messed up so bad!’ My anxious thoughts descended into chaos and regret...
“Why do you think that I would condemn you to Hell?” He reminded me that he had authority over my every thought. “What sin have you committed against me?”
I searched my mental database for a commandment, scripture, or any peer-reviewed literature that would condemn me for violating the Supreme Creator.
I certainly couldn’t come up with an answer while my Creator was still throbbing inside of me…
I drew open my eyes and winced at the bright daylight that poured into my bedroom.
“Damn it!” I spit when I realized that I was sent back to my own body.
Maybe it was all in my imagination, I wondered to myself but my entire body told another narrative. Every nerve in my body felt supercharged, sensitive, and alive. I certainly felt very different in that moment…
The sun shined brighter into my bedroom and many birds gathered outside my window to welcome me into a brand new day. The songs they sang sounded like a melody. Unusually euphoric. Calmness seemed to blanket the atmosphere around me. My every sense was elevated…
‘I’ll have to do some more research today…’ I resolved.
References
Read Book: The Flowing Light of the Godhead by Mechthild of Magdeburg
Read Original Story: Consorting with the God of Israel
