How to get Initiated into Brakebills University — Eleusinian Mysteries
Jesus Christ has ‘gamified’ the pursuit of the divine arts. Jesus is the final boss in this fucked up annual competition…
Key Terminologies
Patron God [DEFINITION]: A particular Goddess or God adopted by a person or group. The followers honor and/or worship that deity who, in turn, acts as a guardian and protector, often giving advantages to the followers. Also known as a tutelary deity.
Student Adept [ DEFINITION]: An adept is an individual identified as having attained a specific level of knowledge, skill, or aptitude in doctrines relevant to a particular author or organization. They stand out from others with their great abilities. All human qualities are developed in them, including intelligence and spirituality. Anyone can become an adept through spiritual development and self-improvement.
Brakebills University [ OVERVIEW ]: A fictitious name referring to the school of magical arts featured in the popular Netflix show, The Magicians. This is a fictional name used to describe an exclusive magical institution that is only available to the gods, administrators, alumni, initiated students, and chosen champions of the Eleusinian Mysteries.
Participants [OVERVIEW ]: Four categories of people participated in the Eleusinian Mysteries. Priests, priestesses, and hierophants. Initiates, undergoing the ceremony for the very first time. Others who had already participated at least once and are eligible for the final category. Those who had learned the secrets of the greatest mysteries of Demeter.
Eleusinian Mysteries [ OVERVIEW ]: The Eleusinian Mysteries were initiations held every year for the cult of Demeter and Persephone and are considered the “most famous of the secret religious rites of ancient Greece”. The rites, ceremonies, and beliefs were kept secret and consistently preserved from antiquity.
at least until my golden ass showed up…
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The Student Adept Selection Process
Each Patron God has tagged about 12,000 candidates that they call on each year to begin initiations. During this time, the student adept must be listening and watching carefully for the subtle calls from their Patron God penetrating their environments.
Most adept students have been ‘tagged’ by their patron god during their childhood. You are encouraged to look for clues in your own childhood. Study your childhood photos and history. Talk to family members about family lineages. See if you can get a lead on which Patron God ‘tagged’ you. This will be your ideal Patron god to petition you for sponsorship in Eleusinian Mysteries, because they invested in you early.
Majority of the 12,000 candidates never answer the call. Only a few adept students will ever discover their patron god’s call, and become sponsored to participate in the annual Game of the Gods.
If you can not find which Patron God has tagged you, you may be able to get another God to sponsor you in the Elysium games. You should choose 2–3 gods, and study them until each of them deeply resonates with you. Place them in order of priority, and begin your petitions to ONE god at a time. Give each patron god 2–3 months to give you the signal, that you’ve been sponsored for the games.
They need time to negotiate with the game masters on your behalf, if they are serious about sponsoring you. They negotiate for new realms, resources, power, brides, bridegrooms, new students, priesthood, magical relics, artifacts, and temple accommodations.
Sometimes negotiations force rejections of the student adept until the student meets certain prerequisites. The patron god will find a way to guide you through these preliminary trials if they are confident in sponsoring you as a student adept.
If you haven’t heard a response from the patron god after 3 months, then you can move on to petitioning the next patron. You NEED a sponsor to participate in the Eleusinian Mysteries. You can NOT participate without the help of a god or goddess.
If you have identified the god that tagged you in your childhood, I would recommend spending more time with that specific God, in order to find out why they tagged you in the first place…
If the God that has tagged you, rejects your petition for sponsorship, It may be because they believe that you are not ready to enter the games, they have doubts of you being successful, or there are some unresolved issues in the student adept’s life that would prevent them from being successful in the games. Simply, you will need to spend more time in prayer, fasting, and devotions to your patron god to learn more about why they won’t sponsor you at this time.
Each patron god has limited ability to alter the environment and reality of their student adept. They spend much of their allowances targeting children, but only matured adults can be initiated into the Eleusinian Mysteries.
Reflecting on your childhood is very important for finding your Patron god. Don’t assume that your parent’s religion is synonymous with your patron god. The gods move in mysterious ways, and will sometimes compromise a child with certain advantages, if in the future, the student adept decides to leave their family’s patron god, and follow down a new path.
This would be considered a personal sacrifice to the patron god, and favor will be bestowed on them for correctly identifying the God that tagged them early in childhood.
Every Patron has their own unique student adept initiations process. It is the responsibility of the student adept to study, identify, and petition their patron god in order to receive their endorsement to get into the elysium games, and begin their initiations. Most patron gods have very intense initiation processes for their adept students…
The coddled & spoon fed do not fair well in these games. It is not unusual for a patron god to create circumstances that seem hopeless and will cause the adept student to cry out in despair towards them. They want to humble their students into submission and make them desperate for their help, as the adepts will heavily rely on their patron god throughout the Eleusinian Mysteries, the ‘Game of the Gods’.
You want to be very careful about your relationship with your patron god. Gods are known for inducing a close family death, requiring large personal sacrifices, causing bodily injury to the student adept, creating financial turmoils, and a series of other unfortunate events in order to condition their students and prepare them for the Game of the Gods.
My Personal Experience Being Initiated.
I can only brag about the privileges of having been tagged by the creator supreme. He gave me ‘soft blows’ to my pride and self-esteem. Just enough to hurt my bitch baby feelings so that I would come running home to my Heavenly Zaddy to cry on his shoulders, cause the big mean devil man hurt my little bitch baby feelings.
He also occasionally sends a big scary spider to my house to remind me who’s really in charge up there…
These are ancient gods, so lose your modern expectations. You need to submit yourself to your patron god. If your patron god happens to be a male god, they are most easily seduced and prone to drunkenness. It is very easy to take advantage of their lust and love for beers and wines.
But beware, because ancient gods/goddesses are known to ‘snuff out’ student adepts found to be having an affair with their married patrons. Be sure to set boundaries and expectations with your patron god and their spouses during the petitioning stages. You will want to have it in writing, both in your journals, and electronically.
All confessions, contracts, and correspondences that are made electronically are submitted to the Game Masters, even if encrypted behind privacy walls. This is to ensure fair play in the games.
If your patron god/goddess is married, it is advised that you also acknowledge their spouses during petitioning, to show respect early on. If you ignore their spouse, they will certainly be praying for your downfall… There’s nothing worse than a vindictive god putting stumbling blocks before you while you are trying not to die in the Eleusinian Mysteries.
For female student adepts, this isn’t a beauty contest. No student ever got into the Game of the Gods wearing makeup. This is a game of grit & wit. Leave the acrylics behind. In fact, leave the whole WORLD behind!
My Patron God, Lord Yahweh, The God of Israel.
July 26, 2023 Announcement: Herbig-Haro 46/47
Lord YHWH was single when I found him, so I took advantage of that, countless times. I took advantage of God in as many different multiverses and far away galaxies that we could imagine together, and there were plenty of poor innocent bystanders…
God was giving off Zaddy vibes from the very beginning of time, and ever since I descended back down to earth, the dicks here have been complete trash. Nothing compared to what’s being thrown down in heavenly chambers.
I harlotted my way towards the top of the food chain, and now I eat lesser gods for breakfast in the morning. I’ve set about 144,000 traps for any student dumb enough to try and fuck my God Husband.
Also, with the help of Lord Hephaestus, we captured Aphrodite and I appointed her to be Lord YHWH’s consort while he’s enjoying his well earned retirement. If anyone is going to be caught having an affair with my God Husband, it’s going to be the hottest chick in the game. I can’t wait to see our new side chick, Aphrodite!
I heard she’s smoking hot and my husband and I don’t mind sharing her…
Don’t follow me expecting any spicy details of my erotic love life with God. You can thank the Cult of Persophone for grossing me out of erotic god fanfictions. And you can’t fuck your way through the game of gods, so don’t let good sex distract you.
Anyways, for $50,000 a month on my patreon page, I will release my private journal writings to paid clients. Yeah, you read that right. My Zaddy in Heaven raised a proper scarlet harlot!
What does a ‘tagging’ look like?
I am not going to pretend like I know what every Patron God wants, which is why it is the responsibility of the student adept to study general theosophy and reflect on their own childhood to discover the clues left behind. My Patron God, Lord YHWH, ‘tagged’ me during my childhood with several visitations and sightings, that I was certain not to forget about, even into adulthood.
As a small girl, God stood by my side at my bedroom window during a stormy night. He told me to point my finger to the sky. When I pointed my finger to the sky, Thunder and lightning roared and shook the skies. I got scared and backed away from the window. God brought me back to the window and told me to point to the sky again. I pointed to the sky, and again, the skies turned into beautiful streaks of lighting and shook with a great deal of thunder.
Building confidence, I pointed both of my fingers towards the skies and watched the thunder and lightning roar across the skies in every direction I pointed. I started crying tears of joy. When I turned to look at God, he was gone. And so was my light show. Now when my finger pointed to the sky, nothing happened. I remember feeling sad because I was starting to have some real fun…
Additionally, my mother, maternal aunt, and maternal grandmother, all reported multiple sightings of a ‘Mysterious Figure’ watching over me. Out of fear, my mother would frequently move houses to put distance between our family and this stranger, only to find that the stranger would follow our family to every new home...
My mother is also an adept, and could see this mysterious figure visiting me throughout my entire childhood. I would later correctly identify this strange figure following our family, as none other than Lord Yahweh Himself.
As an adult, I would become his ultimate retirement plan…
The Responsibility and Challenges for Patron Gods/Goddesses
Identifying your Patron God is the ‘first’ challenge as a student adept and getting sponsored to participate in the game of the gods. Patron gods who sponsor students have a great debt of responsibility to them for entering their students into the Game of the Gods.
If their student adept loses the games, gets gravely injured, is unprepared, or gets killed, the patron god has to pay a heavy fine or gets a heavy punishment on behalf of their student. Additionally, the patron God has to cover a portion of the expenses incurred by the student adept. The student adept will need to have their own source of income, as the game of the gods can be very time intensive.
Patron gods may provide their student adepts with private housing, inheritances, magical relics, monetary allowances, spiritual gifting, secret advantages, specialized training, and magical companions to use for protection. This depends on how much the patron god has budgeted for each of their chosen students every year.
Therefore, patron gods won’t even consider student adepts that have not done a great deal of devotion, prayer, respect, submission, repentance, honesty, truth, goodwill, studying, and personal sacrifice, in service to their elected patron god.
Patron gods who have a winning student adept in the Game of the Gods, are rewarded with godhood, new realms, new temples, and other prestigious honors amongst the gods. These rewards are negotiated prior to the games, between the game masters and patrons.
High Priest and High Priestesses will often sponsor student adepts in hopes to achieve godhood, and receive the same benefits as the gods. High Priest/Priestesses often privately tutor their family members to prepare them for initiations.
The winning student adept is ‘raptured’ into Brakebills University and enters their first-year studies of the heavenly arts 🎭.
Unique Advantages for Certain Students
African Americans and Native Americans have a major advantage in the ‘Game of the Gods’. Blood magick is dangerous and tricky. You are basically giving a blank check to a patron god, that will drag down your entire bloodline if you break your blood oath or anger them.
The earth is charged with the blood of vengeful ancestors, craving retribution. Make sure you are already on good terms with these vengeful spirits before experimenting. Vengeful spirits are known to drive madness, manifest thoughts of suicide/homicide, provoke acts of violence, or increase aggressive behaviors in some student adepts, especially targeting white people…
I would recommend white people to stay far away from Blood Magick. My ancestors will want to eat you and your children alive, no matter which patron god you serve. You do not want this smoke!!!
For the descendants of african slaves and indigenous people, with a good relationship with the ancestors, crack open a can of blood magic and get ready for some serious firepower…
Other Random Bits of Information
Sibling pairs have unique advantages when petitioning the same Patron God. Siblings sets tend to be more committed to the games, because they hold each other accountable and often study and train along side each other, in the presence of their patron god. Just like the Grimm Brothers…
Having a deceased sibling or close relative also gives advantages to the surviving student. They often act as messengers, aiding them in the games and giving their relatives divine insight.
Journaling on paper gives student adepts an advantage, specifically over the Jesus Fan Club. Assume everything you write, watch, and read is accessible to the brotherhood. For advantages or strategic correspondences to your patron god, stick with paper journals. Just assume that your patron god is reading your correspondences over your shoulder. For them, paper correspondences are more reliable than electronic means.
The Jesus Brotherhood Fan Club
Jesus Christ and his apostles have a fetish for single, young, pretty, fair-skinned, virgin women. They don’t even need to be that smart. They just need to petition him or a member of his brotherhood, and they pretty much take care of the rest…
Disney, Marvel, & Netflix are all on Jesus’ payroll. They use the constant rotation of new hit TV shows and movies to prepare their student adepts for the games, hiding messages to the prepared minds in the cleverly crafted scripting, and giving their students modern-day advantages. Disney plus uses kid tv shows to prepare children to participate in the Eleusinian Mysteries when they become of age, creating a constant stream of new candidates for The Jesus Brotherhood Fan Club to exploit every single year.
Men who wish to petition Jesus or the brotherhood as their Patron have to adhere to strict priesthood protocols, intense study regimens, and adherence to jewish culture. They must also be true to his teachings. The bar is much higher for male students to retain Jesus as a Patron, than for women, whom he and his brotherhood uniquely favors and pampers prior to the games.
Jesus has the largest resource reserves to prepare all of his students for the Game of the Gods. He has the best-in-class players on his rosters every year. He also takes advantage of a super computer in order to remotely monitor his student adepts, keeping track of their progress, correspondences, contracts, negotiations, as well as keep an eye on his opponents. Why do you think we live in a world dominated by technology? That is Jesus’ unique advatage in the Elusinian Mysteries. He demystifies his opponents and monitors his students by keeping permanent records of their digital lives, both on and offline.
Jesus hasn’t lost a game in a very long time. I imagine if he loses a game, he would have to come back down to earth to greet his worthy opponent…
If I win the games against Jesus Christ this year, I will request a firm handshake and a selfie with the God King himself. Then after that, it’s world domination.
Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess at the barrel end of our armies.
I didn’t climb out of the bottomless pit to fuck around with you assholes. And by the time you read these fake ass fairy tales, it will already be too late…
What happens when you get ACCEPTED into Brakebills University?
You either go willingly or very unwillingly. See you there!
References
July 26, 2023 Announcement: Herbig-Haro 46/47
Book: The Land of the Gods, by H. P. Blavatsky
Book: The Golden Ass (Penguin Classics)
Book: Coraline, by Neil Gaiman
Book: The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, by William Blake
Book: The Little White Bird, by J.M. Barrie
Pop Culture Reference: Damsel | Official Trailer | Netflix
(The Damsel Movie on Netflix was released after the original publication of this ‘fairy tale’ story.)
Study: The Bible cleverly contains a bunch of cheat codes.
